Homesick for a place I’ve never been…

“Homesick”.  That’s really the best way that I can explain how I’m feeling lately.  People often ask lately: “How are you feeling about moving to Zambia?”.  As a therapist, I have to appreciate a question about feelings, so I see it as my duty to answer responsibly! 

Over the past months (and even years) since God revealed this plan to us, we have actually experienced a very broad range of emotions, some with an intensity we had yet to experience in life.  Anxiety, fear, uncertainty, excitement, doubt, sadness, joy, anger, anticipation – all of these have been stops along the way of our journey thus far.  Part of the theme of God’s equipping and sustaining us through this process, though, has been a prevailing sense of peace.  Somehow even as we were in the midst of despair over this decision, pounding (literally) our hands on the table over having to make such a challenging commitment, we always knew that this was the plan and that it was a plan ordained by God.  In His wisdom and love, our Father stood with us patiently, even held us at times, as we traveled through the course of what He knew we needed to experience in order to have our hearts prepared for this call.

And now…homesick.  Odd really, since I’ve never been to Zambia.  Odd since before we learned to recognize the beauty of this call, and how it was an answer to so many prayers, we had no intention or desire to leave what we know as home now – especially to move to Africa!  Odd since our current home is so meaningful to us – our community, our home church, our kids’ school, our house itself, the land it is built on.  We had learned to put so much emphasis on establishing our sense of home and seeking comfort in what we had built that we couldn’t have imagined leaving it all behind. 

Another beautiful theme of how God is leading, though, us is to redefine our sense of home.  We understand in new and profound ways now how our only real Home is to be with God.  In his presence.  Within his will.  This is our true Home.  And, often, God calls us to “stay at Home with Him” by leading us through new and, sometimes, difficult places. 

I think maybe that’s why I have felt lately this sense of being homesick for Zambia.  At the risk of sounding naive, or of underestimating the intensity of the challenges that await us in our new home, I can’t wait to get there.  While I absolutely cherish my home and my life here, I long for a time and place where I will be even more dependent on God for providing for and comforting us.  I also, on a more simple and practical level, am eager to see where we will spend the next few years of this adventure called life! 

Next week, I will depart for a two-week trip to Zambia – arriving in Lusaka and staying in Chongwe at the Esther School.  In fact, the work team I will be joining will literally be assisting the Zambian work crew in the construction of our actual home!  I absolutely can’t wait to experience the sights, sounds, smells and feel of this new place – to experience the land and the people that I have, thus far, only heard and learned about from afar.  Please keep us in prayer as we travel and as we do our part to advance God’s Kingdom through the work of the Esther School.  We are so grateful for the love, support and prayer of all of you who are behind us in this.